Prussia's puberty crisis
by Joboo
Summary: Prussia has to explain to a gender confused Hungary what puberty entails. Please do not read is you are grossed out by being human or blood. Seriously, don't read it if you are. This is my first attempt at a crackfic. Enjoy! *RE-UPLOADED*


**Hello there! I'm loving your beautiful face! It's been quite a while since I put uploaded a story and I do apologize however let me remind you I have a life. :)**

**Recently I am COMPLETELY OBSESSED with Hetalia and have been wanting to write a fanfic on it for a while now. Though this is not exactly my favorite pairing, let's face it, there is such a large fanbase of homosexual pairings it makes it tricky to savour the hetrosexual ones ~sigh~**

**Anyway, enough of my rambling, I don't own and take credit for anything Hetalia other than my first attempt at a crackfic. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE GROSSED OUT BY BLOOD OR BEING A GIRL.**

**P.S: I am fully aware there may be some spelling and grammar mistakes (It was really late when I wrote this).**

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Oh_Fritz….why me?_

That was the exact thought that ran through my head as I stared at Hungary's horrified face with a red liquid dripping down her legs making a puddle on the floor. I was, of course, completely pale from blood loss so at least she wasn't alone in that moment. The universe was playing a cruel joke on me and I wasn't laughing.

Wait a second…. let the Great Prussia rewind to tell you the not-so-awesome unfortunate tale that happened to me of all people today.

The day started fairly normal and I went over to Hungary's house to boast on my latest victory and of course if nothing else to rub it in her face. Though you would think that after that awkward situation of accidently touching her b-b-breassssss- AAAAGGGHHH! *intense blush: embarrassment overload* (I'm not particularly over that yet…)

Anyway, you would think she would change and well, become more girly, not that I particularly wanted that. Its true Hungary was a weird guy but not in a bad way. He well… she never changed and of course, lived in denial thinking that she was still a guy even though I tried hard to explain that was not the case (that was a challenge in itself).

So here I was being all cool, like I always am (It's in my genes) and made my way to Hungary's living room. She was just standing there with her back facing me staring into space in the corner of the room, not that it mattered.

" Hey Hungary let me tell you how the awesome me conquered the…OH MY GO– "

Hungary turned slowly to face me standing in what looked like the spot of a fresh homicide on the floor; tears creating a waterfall on her round flushed cheeks and her entire body trembling so violently it looked like she was on the verge of getting a seizure. "I'm dying!" she managed to choke out between her cries. "I am a country so why? Why am I dying? Why is the blood not stopping? Why am I internally bleeding Prussia?

To be honest, I was just as freaked out just as much as her, but she was fine the last time I saw her so why? I know I am a jerk to Hungary most of the time and I sometimes make fun of her hardships but this was serious and I was genuinely concerned not as a country or as a rival but as a friend, as Gilbert. As countries we do not live a lifespan like humans and only grow when we have achieved progress in some form. We also are able to receive wounds and heal relatively quickly even if they are what humans would consider fatal. However, if for some reason we are sick internally example bleeding, catching the cold/ flu or coughing up strange things like ash then that's a pretty good indication that sh*t is going down somewhere in our country whether it be climate change, politics or civil unrest (you get my point).

I tried my best to keep calm (at least for her sake WHICH WAS VERY DIFFICULT!) Picture this: Guy walks in. Sees blood trickling from between his friend's legs creating a pool in which they are standing in. Face running with tears and snot just as much as the blood flowing down their legs and trembling to the point where it looks like they're electrocuted, AND TELL ME HOW THAT IS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU FLIP YOUR SH*T!

Last time I checked, the country of Hungary was doing a lot better than I expected it to and every thing was nothing out of the ordinary. Despite things being a little tough, nothing was to the point where it couldn't be fixed. That's when it hit me! (literally, because as I was walking towards her I slipped due to my legs turning into jello…I was that nervous but it was awesome because she didn't see). Even though I am still young the Teutonic Knights taught me that when a girl grows up and becomes a woman she goes through this painful process call a menstrual….something. Anyway, what happens is that she bleeds and it is proof that she is turning into a healthy woman and that's all they said but that was for human girls and that's what allows them to make babies but countries can't make babies! SO HOW DOES THIS APPLY?

I was so confused but I had to tell Hungary something! What kind of awesome Prussia would I be if I couldn't stop a friend from crying even if it was for two minutes and it was a girl who suffered a sever case of gender confusion. Not to mention the way she was zoned out there crying was really convincing me that she was actually GOING TO DIE. I approached with caution and grabbed her by her shoulders. She snapped out of it and looked at me like I was like the last glimmer of hope in the universe. (The pressure and expectation in her eyes was killing me). "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE!" I shouted (which came out so wrong, I actually meant to be gentle). Her tears stopped and she looked at me with a dumbfounded expression urging me to explain. Of course, knowing Hungary the last thing she wanted was my cheap comforting words. "You are not dying" I said trying to be softer in volume. "What you are experiencing is the transition from a girl into a woman and it is normal. If anything, this means your country is shaping up to be stronger and better so it is a good thing that this has happened."

Hungary was ready to castrate me with the amount of anger that I felt radiating from her body. I guess she thought that I was teasing her and thought it was a joke, so I changed my expression and my tone of voice and I looked at her until it finally sunk in. She got the message that I was being honest and calmed down. "Prussia you seem to know more about the body more than I do, does this mean that this has happened to you? Do you bleed from where you pee?"

_Oh Fritz, the universe is truly being cruel_. _I must be paying for sins._*internally sobs*

"Listen Hungary, what just happened is called a period I think, and I really do not know a lot about it myself but it is something that only happens to WOMEN! THUS YOU ARE NOW A WOMAN NOT A MAN! It is also why you have those weak spots on your chest and AGGGGHHHH! Talk about this with Ukraine!

"Why?"

_Good grief, why she asks…_"That's because I have a hard enough time dealing with my own puberty and I really don't want the burden of your worries which are apparently far greater than mine!"

"FINE! But can you at least help me to stop the bleeding!"

_Damn it all to hell! Telling you was hard enough but helping you is far out of my field of capabilities._

"I'm going to call Ukraine, she will be able to help and explain it to you better, for now go take a shower and change. I'll clean up the mess on the floor it is the least I can do Elizabeta, even though you are a rival I still consider you a friend." Hungary said something I never thought I would ever hear in many years you come: "Thank you", and with that she walked out of the room.

I stared at the puddle of blood on the wood flooring. Curling into a ball and pulling my hair I screamed AAAAGGHHHH WHAT AM I DOING?

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**It's short and I know it's not the best but this is only my 3rd story uploaded, check out others that I've done (i'll give ya a cookie if ya do!) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE oh wait I forgot something, oh yeah... P-L-E-A-S-E REVIEW! And like always state where you are from, because it's always cool to know where your story is being read around the circle I draw that's called the Earth.**


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